The Famous Rules for Arguing with Tim ...
Rule 1: Do not argue with Tim, unless you agree with him.
Rule 2: If Tim agrees with you, this is an argument.
Rule 3: If you agree with Tim, you are wrong.
Rule 4: Witnesses are no use; Tim knows what you said -- and you are wrong.
Rule 5: Never witness an argument in Tim's room.
Rule 6: While in Tim's room or within audible, visible, legible or firing range, don't mention any contentious or arguable issue.
Rule 7: Any issue is a contentious or arguable issue.
Rule 8: If in doubt, speak French. Tim can't speak French.
Rule 9: If all else fails, mention the fantastic holiday you had in Mansfield last year.
Rule 10: If you really want to start an argument with Tim, mention the fantastic holiday you had in Mansfield last year.
Rule 11: No one argues with Tim -- not even God.
Rule 12: If you have done three impossible things this morning, including looking for and finding Tim (see Rules for Finding Tim), I advise you to stop while you are ahead.